Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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