Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
