two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
