But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
