sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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