he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
