what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
