About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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