Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
