I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
