Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
