yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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