In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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