we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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