i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
