She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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