omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
