your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
