That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
