also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
