how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
