i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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