I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
