You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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