I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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