I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm at about main and main street
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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