If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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