im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
