I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
