Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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