I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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