I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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