3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
