Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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