so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
