This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
