Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
