do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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