Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
