Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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