cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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