i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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