I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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