Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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