I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
