and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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