And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
