Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
