I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
