the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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