I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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