does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
