We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
