i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
