before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
two words...techno handjob
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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