It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
