A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
